Carve Me Free of this Wilderness


Toward the Dig

The account of this project, beginning approximately in November 2010 and concluding  December 2012, is an explanation of a series of transitional experiences manifesting themselves in a collection of creative experiments exploring ideas of  land use, physical space and the psychological ties of place. As I describe this process in the singular, it is constructed of transitional phases. Each phase has been transformative in the overall creation of my work and is driven by a commonality tied to a specific geographical location that has shaped the trajectory of all my actions.
 The site lies in an urban open space located within the East San Diego city limits and adjacent to a city park and recreational lake. The western section of the park, which is fenced off from the park proper and under limited supervision from park officials, has become an informal multiple-use space for the neighboring residents. This relationships bound to this space are historical and tied to much emotion and sentiment. The space is an unspoken inheritance, and the stories of the area are as diverse as the neighborhood. Those stories and the evolution of the space have changed as the neighborhood has changed since its development in 1949, military housing hugging the perimeter fence of what was originally the first and largest naval radio transmitting facility, built in 1921. In that time, the facility went through a number of transitions from naval supply depot to fueling station to a city water filtration plant. The west side of the park still retains mementos of its former self: dilapidated foundations of loading docks and warehouses dot the landscape, visible through chaparral and sun daisies and scattered about the serpentine asphalt that betrays the hustle and bustle of an earlier time. I have been acquainted with this area for a number of years using the site as many residents do for a respite from the street. The space would be the focus of my work for nearly two years. In that time I found an unconventional method of expression through the act of scarifying a chosen section of ground. Acting upon this space by scarring natural surfaces of the ground had loose origins in graffiti, where a writer prints or paints his message or sign on a public surface. The act is usually performed incognito to avoid confrontation with law enforcement. Graffiti is a common feature of most urban areas and is usually associated with gangs, youth and the socio-economically disenfranchised. In the neighborhood where I live, I have interpreted it to mean a variety of things, from territorial markers by area gangs to amateur free-form art pieces, or even solo and crew tag names. Sometimes it is just vandalism, blurring the line between appreciation as art democratized and the tastelessness of garish self-promotion. Though I did not initially start the project with the intention of making a definitive association between environmental scarification and graffiti, it gradually found its way into the dialogue via a natural and organic process. So when I found myself digging, it was with a measure of hesitation, for I was not sure what I was doing or why. I found my voice in the simple act of doing and thereby found the reason for my actions. Even with a shovel tightly gripped in my hands, digging, as a vehicle toward discovery, is a mysterious and incomprehensible act. Peering down into a hole two feet by five feet, sweating through hours of dense clay with pick and shovel, was literally a descent to discovery, and what I sought needed to be uncovered a spade full at a time. Generally speaking, the creative journey is the making of one’s own myth. There is always a critical moment in the journey where a door of perception will open up, where the air quivers and disrupts the stillness, awakening the recipient.[1] For a brief instant, in the excitement of a new discovery, the creator is stripped of the claustrophobic clutter of the world, and what is necessary and valuable is revealed.  I have always had the ability to manipulate mark-making tools. Crayons, chalk and a Ticonderoga No. 2 aided my interior world. I saw drawing as a rather commonplace skill endowing everyone. I saw making imagery as natural as a natural aspect of human nature. I arrived at this assumption early as a child. In our home there were no books on shelves or painted pictures hanging from the wall. Culture arrived as a black and white TV, isolated in a barren corner of the living room, resting on a metallic brass stand. This is neither a rebuke of my parents nor an attempt to tug at the strings of sympathy; it is simply a fact. I lived as the majority of the world does, cloaked in the comfort of unmolested upholstered day-to-day existence. Two things remained constant: the necessity of illustrating my imaginings, and the satisfaction of closure that came from acting out what I created. The physicality brought whatever initiated the idea full circle, capping what can be described as psycho-immersed theater. If there was any introduction to art-making, it came in the form of my father, a telephone, and a blue-lined legal pad 8 1/2 inches by 11 inches. My father, a ship builder, would sit at his chair, his arm resting on a small end table, with a yellow legal pad and a sharpened Ticonderoga No. 2 pencil, speaking into the telephone. He would conduct shipyard business all the while his hand and pencil orchestrated an auto-mechanical prestidigitation that filled the page with curious penciled figures and shapes, none of which had anything to do with boats. As soon as the phone call ended, he would set down the pencil, and the miracle would cease as abruptly as it began. This phenomenon would not present itself again until the next call. In my eyes, my father was elevated to the realm of magic. Each time the phone rang, like a Pavlovian dog, I would feel my heart race to witness the miracle of the yellow sheets populated with contorted figures and square-headed treats.
 Trips to Yosemite, Meteor Crater National Park, the Petrified Forest or Hood Canal in a cramped, bleached, blue aluminum trailer were the memories I have of places visited on vacations with my father as guide. On these trips, he would shed his middle-class dressings and transform himself into the classic wilderness Indian scout. (There was a time my brothers and I believed we were direct descendants of Geronimo.) He would busy the air with nervous chatter, like a mountain man falling upon company for the first time in years. He would manufacture any excuse to pull off the main road, with prospects, just around the next bend, of gold ore veins and buried Indian ruins. The cabin pressure from his stories was so immense I could scarcely breathe-I would burst from the vehicle and, with a geologist pick in hand, dig in with a frenzy to churn the soil for buried treasure. Sometimes they would stop the car just to pacify my anxiety and allow me to dig. It is a condition that I have not been entirely cured of.My father and I would take day trips to the back country of San Diego. On one occasion, we drove out to Pine Valley. This is before the suburban sprawl pushed eastward, transforming quaint country villages into upper-income hideaways and gated territories of showcase homes.  My dad as always passed the hour drive with speculations about the historical spot he had in mind. I always found it strange that he seemed to know so much about the unwritten history of San Diego; since he was born and raised in Globe Arizona, but I never gave it much thought and guessed it had something to do with his “native” blood. He pulled off the main highway and drove us up a dirt road that connected a few modest homes tucked away within the oak groves. We pulled onto the shoulder next to an open field of wild grass where, nestled in an outcropping of rocks, a lone oak stood. My father began his imaginings. He told me how the tree was an old meeting or council rock where the chief of the tribe resided. He painted such a picture that I could see the small band of people going about busying themselves with seed gathering, chatting amongst themselves, working next to open campfires, mashing acorns in stone metates. We walked over to the tree, and my father began digging. I found a place and began my excavations. It was solitary work. He stuck to his spot, hunched over on his knees, puncturing the soil with his pick .We dug for an entire day. At the end of the day we had extracted pottery shards made of red clay, some with delicate design patterns made by a brush or reed, pieces of pottery large enough to show the curvature of the whole pot, or a pierced hole where maybe a rope acted as a handle. In the late afternoon we drove home in silence, each buried in his private thoughts. I looked at my father very differently after that day, and I realized I was hooked. Dirt held new meaning. Since then, my life as an adult has taken a rather circuitous route. I have held many jobs, some I believed to be callings, others dictated by circumstance. At one time I had been between jobs for about six months and was preparing to “hit the pavement” once again. My son and I were driving to a dentist appointment when he turned and commented that I should think about becoming a teacher. He believed artists essentially spent their time sharing ideas with one another, and teaching to his way of thinking was a logical extension. I had never considered the idea of teaching, because I was very comfortable playing the role of the working studio artist. The environment was unusually flexible, and my co-workers possessed a wide range of talents and sensibilities. However, his words had struck a chord, and I was ripe to the suggestion. Ultimately, I returned to school, did the necessary work, and in the process discovered that an inner need was satiated. The act of teaching spoke to my desire to directly affect the world I lived in. I was able to work for an inner-city high school in a neighborhood where I had spent my adolescent years. It was a career that had a component of civic duty built in. I felt I was at the frontline of society-building with my finger on the pulse, able to effect real change. I have been shaped and transformed by this career, building upon a credo that one must make a difference with the tools available. Having the opportunity to teach what I love, art, is an extended bonus. Before teaching, all my activities had been self-serving. I acted in response to, not out of. Everything since has reshaped my actions. I have become an educator in thought and deed. To understand the motive for spending a year digging in the dirt and concentrating a considerable amount of time and energy in the earth in lieu of making objects took a considerable amount of energy.  It came as an epiphany, where a bolt from the separated heavens had appeared and struck me with the idea that digging was a justifiable course of action. Of course, I knew that I had my work cut out for me, because I was not completely convinced that the idea of cutting into the earth was a legitimate art-making activity. I came to graduate school equipped with paintbrushes, canvas and paint, filling, dabbing and smearing on rectangular surfaces. Over time I felt a frustration in the paint and the limitations of the flat surface. It was a cognitive boundary which I could not overcome, inhibiting my ability to resolve this creative conundrum. I felt like a domesticated animal that had come face to face with the limits of its enclosure. At the time, this aching defied definition and so there was no remedy to my pain.  In the past when I experienced the tinge of dissatisfaction, I always resorted to building things: small three-dimensional environments, very similar to theater sets. These were boxy creations with walls, floors and a roof. Sometimes I added windows for multiple viewing angles. Toys, found objects, street trash, and chance materials were candidates for use. Store-bought or created elements were disdained simply for that reason. Things that possessed a real or imagined history were essential to the overall composition, even more so than formal aesthetic considerations. I understood Roland Barthes to say that static objects are closely associated to the “cult of death”. Static images, he felt, are segregated from the “community of life”[2] and present themselves as a slide or a frozen specimen, mimicking gestures of speech, incapable of recapturing the animated moment, merely locating a point in time through isolated substitutes in the absence of living truth.  I attempted to capture a sense of the real in this contained space called a canvas. I ached to make the static image lift up from the frozen moment and experience the living world. I wanted my surfaces to breath, live and die. Along this route the heavens parted, so to speak, and the night became day. Late one night, at the end of a painting session, tired, alone in the studio, I went about the mindless work of cleaning up, putting caps on paint tubes, sealing bottles of linseed and stand oil, dipping my brushes in solvent and wiping, performing the chores that had become a set of practiced movements I have done mindlessly for a number of years. If viewed anthropologically, they were nothing more than a series of reflexive actions, like a mountain ape peeling bamboo leaves from its stock. The revelation that would alter the course of my work manifested itself in the form of a water faucet. Strange how signs present themselves and take on the guise of the most mundane: it is an open heart which distinguishes the helpful message from the white noise of the mechanical world. These signs, opportunities or messages do not come like the morning paper, slapping wet-hard on the front door. They are made up of the world, porous and pliable, invisible and wistful. I stood at the basin, a bar of soap in my left hand gently massaging the brushes, watching the soapy water swirl down the drain. I was struck by the iridescence of the colors caused by the separation of oil and water, a bubbly whirlpool of suds and solvent swirling in the drain. In this late-night stupor I imagined the water flowing down the plumbing, meandering throughout the building’s apartments, tumbling through the main drainage to the ravine that spilled into the river basin below. I became acutely aware of my blindness, a defiler of the planet. How many more like me were there mindlessly washing our crimes out to sea. I felt the grip of guilt. It was a slight transgression, possibly, but in my eyes, a crime just the same. An acute sensation of guilt and shame acted on the conscience. The stains on the basin told me I was not alone, that others shared the same deed, but it did not dilute the feeling of personal guilt. I had become absolutely awake, an aching alertness that was irrevocable. Change was at hand. For weeks I wrestled with this apparently minor but personally troubling event. It plagued me enough that I attempted to articulate it to several people. It was a confession that is always met with uneasy embarrassment for both parties, especially when the problem or curiosity posed floats slightly free of gravity and is inclined toward the mystical. It is odd that the connection between the mystical and art should be such a sensitive subject, since they have both shared such a long relationship. The possibilities or inventions independent of the circuit board and the right angle may still be useful for discovery what drives the “whys” of what we do. Regardless, it became apparent that, firstly, I would have to solve this problem on my own and, secondly, I needed a plan. The best plans, are not contrived by effort, but are spontaneous and instinctive.Witold Rybczynski, A Clearing in the Distance The first attempts to reconcile the issue manifested themselves in works that relied on found objects incorporating unconventional materials retrieved from nurseries, Home Depot, Wal-Mart, the street and dumpsters. Dumpster-diving and walk-searching for anything visually intriguing or possessing a sense of discarded history became my main preoccupation in my searches. It was a method I was very comfortable with, in that I had spent a number of years creating from the detritus of everyday existence. The objects constructed, the initial response to the “drain incident,” were small-scale works that spoke to box-works made years earlier. These were small enclosed houses staged with an assortment of discarded items and arranged compositionally to connote a narrative. The new objects, on the other hand, were sans the confines of the walls and ceilings of the older works, but each was set in the format of a stage. Thematically, I had begun to drift toward motifs within the realm of nature, specifically: the inter-species power relationships of domination and subservience.
 Figure1. Free Range made of beef products, oil paint, found rag, plastic olive spears and wood. I used the bovine as my representative for the exploration of this theme. The cow has had along historical relationship with man, from service beast to food product. Meat became my choice of material. At the time, I was using animal by-products as a source to wean myself away from using standard art materials. At the same time, I was attempting to manage my environmental footprint. In the beginning, pet supplies, chew bones, rawhide, soup bones, and animal treats became the bulk of the media used. I rationalized that, by substituting synthetically manufactured materials for animal by-products, I was in fact not supporting industries that practiced natural resource extraction and thereby added to manufacturing and consumer-based waste. The irony was that the materials I chose supported industries that practiced many of the same environmental violations, besides raising the moral question of producing suffering for profit. At the time, I was reading Susan Sontag’s Regarding the Pain of Others. Reading further, I found that, in my haste to find a substitute for making, the route taken had led to a philosophical cul-de-sac. It was the summation of Sontag’s thesis - considering and including non-human suffering and pain and according non-humans the same rights against unwarranted pain and suffering as humankind-that acted as a moral compass and consequently become a thorn in my side. The question concerning my problem would be, could I reconcile the conflict between of new material versus perpetuating pain, and would I choose to care enough to change? Pity is considered to be the emotion that we owe only to those enduring undeserved misfortune.Susan Sontag, Regarding the Pain of Others
  I would continue for some time to use hides and processed animal flesh, wrestling with my conflict, and rationalizing that the end product would either degrade after some time or could conceivably be eaten and thus leave a smaller percentage of residual waste than would synthetic material. Still, I had to contend with the biting immorality of using what was created through suffering for the production of art. I had to maintain that, in an attempt to rethink a traditional method of making, I had to search for new approaches and materials. Balancing this need to move away from the synthetic and to find humanity in my work were complex arguments surrounding the issues between human and non-human needs. I had to accept as part of the process the frailty and the contradiction embedded within in this path of discovery. The wrapping of flesh, the discovery of the adhesive quality of animal residue, was symbolically loaded and difficult to resist as useful but unexpected qualities of the materials. I argued for these materials as a natural response; the flesh held a deeper significance, permitting a justification in the face of Sontag’s book. I confess I had arrived at a point where I did not want to consider the grocery list of my materials, and I avoided reading labels, as I only wished to make with the goods. Denial became an unanticipated tool. The internal contradiction revealed a war raging within is as old as Descartes and as current as Derrida. The biblical declaration of man’s supremacy guarantees to him mastery of all creation; the question is whether we if we can move beyond our embedded specie-ism regard non-human interests as well. This became my inherited argument. Figure 2.Beast,s sticks, tar, burlap, oil paint, local grasses, rope,
manure, concrete block. As a result, I completed a series of objects that toyed with the fragile proximity of human and non-human nature. The pieces each addressed the comingling of both existences by a combination of synthetic materials, found objects, petroleum products, raw wood and animal material. This was an avenue I left myself as I broadened my search for a purer method of making. Adhesives tentatively held together slabs of hardened mud which earlier had been laid out at a remote site, baited with food in hopes of capturing scavenging footprints. It was the first excursion into making larger free-standing sculptural pieces that experimented with sculpture embedded in natural surfaces. Each piece was constructed on site, exposed to many environmental and climatic conditions. In one experiment I laid out a burlap-supported slab of moistened mud near a cluster of squirrels. These animals were accustomed to human contact, and many in the group were assertive. Watching the animals react, especially with people they recognized, was interesting. The animals anticipated the bags of bread before they were presented. A few squirrels’ heads popped up from their hillside dens broadcasting the “squirrel-alert” calling the rest of the pack to gather. It is an unsettling experience to be in such close proximity and in such disproportionate numbers, where matters of civility come to the fore. I did find the meetings intriguing enough that I wanted to capture the moment. I did not want to discuss so much the interaction between the human and the non-human as I did the physicality of the moment. I was not interested in documenting the event through photography or video. What interested me were the marks left on the ground that traced the excitement and chaos. I felt if I could anticipate another such meeting and devise a way to place some structure that might mediate the two groups at the time of a feeding, then I just might capture the living trace of a dialogue between man and beast. The plan was to make wet mud panels that, when laid flat on the ground, would inconspicuously blend with the environment. Each panel, two feet by three feet, was made with a light-weave burlap used as a cold-weather blanket for new-growth plants bought from a local hardware store. The burlap backing was doused with a mixture of water and glue until it hardened. Once hardened, the burlap was stiff enough to be frosted with a white glue and mud mix and brought to a thickness of two inches. The last layer was added just prior to laying the panel in place. This was a trial-and-error process. Initially, I layered the panel at home and drove it to the site, but the top layer would always dry out, due either to travel time or weather conditions. I eventually had to prepare the panels at the site and in place. The experiments would take place over a period of a couple of weeks. The squirrels were not always cooperative or present, and so staging an interaction was a hit or miss affair. To complicate matters, my actions were looked on suspiciously by the park rangers and visitors. When approached, I would reassure everyone of my good intentions, explaining the purpose and the desired outcome as a standard procedure. My entry into the mix, squirrel versus human, was regarded as an intrusion by some people and a curiosity by most. It was a foreshadowing of the problems that would color future projects. When working a regulated public environment, I had to appreciate everyone’s concept of nature. I refer to Joseph Beuys’s action piece Coyote, I Like America and America Likes Me of 1974 in making an observation. Whereas I identify my pieces as physical experiments, Beuys’s action pieces are social experiments. In his written analysis, Beuys claims to have staged a most unusual if not unlikely encounter with a coyote, as he says, representing the trauma in America’s past by the character of this wild animal. Beuys becomes a psychic medium who makes himself present in the form of a coyote, and speaks “with the Indian, the Red Man-only then can the trauma be lifted.”[3] Beuys’s staged encounter is unlikely in a natural setting. Beuys, wrapped in felt and armed only with a walking stick and floppy hat, “communicates” with the creature, sleeping on the “coyote’s straw”. Each assumes their respective territory within the caged area, allowing time and curiosity to furnish each one moments of closer inspection. Though in totality Beuys is reaching out to and through the spirit of the coyote, he is still speaking at the animal. The coyote, the non-human element, is still regarded as a tool in an exercise with human ends. The idea that nature can be understood is a completely anthropocentric stance. The zoo mentality is predominant throughout the exercise, and the non-human, as evidenced in the supporting photos, must accept certain states of distress within its gated confines. The artificial premise in which it finds itself, with this insistent creature (Beuys) in a felt rug and floppy hat and cane and concerned about the psychic transference, can never be measured so as to bring the coyote or the human any closer to understanding. The relationship between man, animal/nature and metaphor is a construction that is unfortunately one-sided.  Walt Whitman addresses the question and supplies an answer to Beuys in his poem “Leaves of Grass”: Swiftly arose and spread around meThe peace and knowledge that pass
All the argument of the earth,And I know that the hand of God is
The promise of my own,
And I know that the spirit of God isThe brother of my own,And that all men ever born areAlso brothers and the womenMy sisters and lovers,And that a keelson of the creation isLove,And the limitless are the leaves stiff or drooping in the fields,And brown ants in the little wellsBeneath them,And the mossy scabs of the worm fence,Heap’d stones, elder mullein and poke-weed.A child said “What is the grass?”Fetching it to me with full hands;How could I answer the child? I doNot know what it is anymore than he.I guess it must be the flag of myDisposition, out of hopeful greenStuff woven,Or I guess it is the handkerchief
Of the Lord,A scented gift and remembranceDesignedly dropt,Bearing the owner’s name someway inThe corners, that we may see and remark, and say whose?Or I guess the grass is itself a child, the produced babe of the
Vegetation.Or I guess it is a uniformHieroglyphic,And it means, sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow zones,Growing among black folks as among white,Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, CuffI give them the same, IReceive them the same.[4] Whitman tackles with questions piercing deep what Beuys addresses with physicality in his action piece: nature as the wellspring of those answers deeply ensconced in the human psyche. Whitman muses that this desire to dialogue with nature is as much a part of our nature, and so remote as to defy understanding. We know little of the nature of nature and gather no more answers than a child’s wonderment over a blade of grass. It is Whitman’s surrender to the immensity of the question that I believed informs all the actions I would later pursue and find, the “comfortable disposition,” as Whitman spoke, “The peace and knowledge that pass / all the argument of the earth.” Weeks later I would move west from the park proper and venture to the western terminus of the park. This part of the park is less tended, and the uses of this section are more varied and less restricted. Park officials occasionally ride through this section emptying trash cans, but that is the extent of management, that is the extent of it. The uses of the western section are as diverse as the people that populate the area, from dog-walkers and joggers to gangbangers and transients. At this site I constructed another experiment that used scattered elements, natural found objects, the broken branches of the eucalyptus groves that dot the area. A fence was constructed from scattered branches, extending east to west across a heavily trafficked walking path.  This excerpt from my diary of February 2010:This photo is part of a series of gates and fences that I am constructing from fallen branches. My intention is to alter the terrain but consider those that will inevitably encounter them. My considerations do not stop at human interaction, but considers the natural inhabitants as well. Only chance encounters, as with my "beast "the  object has now become the habitat of several squirrels and field mice, and assist me with data as to types of interactions with the “planted” objects and the mysterious "other”, human or non-human. I am able to distinguish the different hands responsible when a piece is tampered with. Figure 3. Fence structure made from scattered branches found and tamped into a trench with mud. The object ran a line of thirty feet east to west and connects a corral with a placed sculpture, seen on the left, with two access openings along the trail.  A ditch was dug the length of the fence line: the excavated dirt was gathered and moistened, and the branches were set in the soil and allowed to dry in place. In making this exposed piece, I began to play with the notion of temporality in the work. It became immediately apparent that the piece would inherit a limited life span. It would inevitably succumb to the elements-wind, rain, temperature, exposure and human interference-usually displayed in the deconstruction of an object. As I dabbled in these temporal exercises, I began to understand that the inclusion of others had become part of the process. What ensued was a series of engagements with forces outside the scope of the work- stakeholders, human and non-human-in the open space. I observed on several occasions the interaction of varying forms. The jogger, whom I imagined had run down the hill every day for a number of years, on one particular day found himself freakishly manipulated through a downhill slalom of gates, hitting each opening with athletic deftness and turning back as he passed through to study the curious structure he had so unconsciously obeyed.Figure 4.Far west side of the Fence showing the corral that holds a wooden altar made of mud, manure mud masks and buffalo horns.  Attached to the fence was a corral that housed a high-legged sculptural shelf encrusted with mud masks, weeds and a pair water buffalo horns partly concealed in a small stand of eucalyptus saplings. From a distance I watched people approach, investigate and interact with the piece. People examined it, walked its perimeter and added or reshaped the corral and fence line. Other times the fence would be completely disassembled, bicycle tracks evident through the whole of the fence. I would reassemble the fence and make an additional length, returning later to see what modifications had occurred to the piece. I recognized that I was a player in an unintended performance. I had become an instigator of a series of creative actions. I positioned works to foster what I believed to be a working dialogue, and the piece acted as a mediator between the audience and me. In addition to the fence and the corral, chunks of concrete were used as markers, with crude figures drawn pointing in the direction of other experiments. At the time of the fence-corral, there were two other exercises taking place. One was a tar, twig and burlap quadruped (see fig.2) and a mural on the foundation of a former warehouse. The “markers” were painted and strategically placed, pointing to each experiment. With painted concrete blocks, my audience was managed through a designed path which assumed the role of unauthorized park markers possessing a rather primitive and peculiar nature.


[1] Adlous Huxley, Doors of Perception and Heaven and Hell. New York: Harper and Row, 1963. [2] Roland Barthes. Camera Lucida. New York: Hill and Wang,1980, pp.30-31[3] Joseph Beuys, Joseph Beuys in America: Energy Plan for the Western Man, Four Walls Eight Windows, New York, 1990, pp.141-144[4] Whitman, Walt. Leaves of Grass: Book III ,Song of Myself, A Public Domain Book, p.22